Oh, what a beautiful morning! The sun is just coming up. It is a cool morning, cool enough that holding my cup of hazelnut coffee warms my hands as each sip warms me inside. From our front deck, the sun is just peeking over the horizon. My world is so peaceful right now. Other than a very few isolated cars passing by, there is silence. Birds have not even begun to chirp their morning song. I close my eyes and the first thing that comes to mind is our kids, when they were little, chasing fireflies in the yard. In the quiet of this beautiful morning, I can hear their giggles. I have tears in my eyes, yet joy in my heart. My children have always been such a light in my life. I think of how important it is for me to be a light, too, into the lives of others.
Did you know that there are nearly 2,000 species of fireflies? Fireflies have special cells that combine the oxygen they have taken in with a substance called luciferin and that is what produces the light. Most of the species display light patterns that are intermittent and the flashing patterns of light are specific to each species. I have been in the dark. I have a heartache that will not go away in my lifetime on earth. Yet, I know that I have a light that shines within me. That light is the reason I am able to share and want to share my story.
Like many species of fireflies, all types of people can shine this light. I have seen it in a woman cleaning restrooms at a rest area somewhere between here and Paris, IL (where we used to live.) I had my girls in the restroom and a lady cleaning toilets was singing a beautiful hymn. I didn’t know the hymn then and cannot recall any part of it now, but her voice and the words she was saying lit up my trip back to our home, away from the rest of our family. As the girls dried their hands, the lady said, “May God bless you and your children.” Her light shined so brightly that day, that15 years later, I still remember her. That is the kind of light I want to be for people.
At the time we had the blessing of running into that restroom attendant, I was extremely homesick. I wanted desperately to move back to where I grew up, where all of my family was. Although we only lived 4 hours from my parents and grandparents, it might as well have been 10,000 miles. With three young children and full time jobs, we just couldn’t visit often enough. On the way home that Sunday, I felt assured that everything would be alright. The restroom attendant’s light shined bright enough that I was able to feel calm, a sense of peace, as we journeyed to our home, miles away from all we knew. I still think about how she lifted me up that day and can still see her face.
Dwight L. Moody said, “We are told to let our light shine and if it does, we won’t need to tell anybody it does. Lighthouses don’t fire cannons to call attention to their shining- they just shine.” I believe that my light shines that way. I hope that the people that know my story, Trevor’s story, are able to see that although I have experienced the darkest time in my life, the light that has been shared with me from others throughout my life (and particularly in the past three years) has allowed me to find that light again, too. I wonder, if I were a firefly, what my light pattern would be? Would it show the hurt of a child of divorced parents? The hurt of a child abused emotionally and physically by a stepfather? Or would it show the deepest scars of a mother living a life after burying her beloved son? Would all of those pains become one signal, saying “I have overcome much and you can too!”? Would others want to know my story or hear of the hope that I have in this life?
Regardless of your religious beliefs, there must be a light that shines within you…something to light your way, allowing you to continue on in the world we live in. For me it is knowing that Jesus Christ lived and died so that I am able to live the life I do. As I have sincerely accepted that, honestly deep within my heart and soul, I feel a light inside this dark world emitting from me. I have had people ask what is different about me, how I have gotten to this place. I’ve arrived at this point from the lights that came into my life and led the way. Whether a bathroom attendant, a special pastor who laid hands on Jeff and I as we said goodbye to our son, people from all of the churches I have attended in my life, or friends and family, those lights all shined enough to get me to the next chapter in my life.
I am not saying that every single day I live is easy. I am not saying I have lost all of the heartache and pain, but the light that has been given to me lights the path that I journey in this life. One of Trevor’s favorite songs was “Fireflies” by Owl City. He sang it often. I listened to that song this morning in his room and I swear I could hear Trevor’s voice singing. That was just another light in my day. I miss him. I wish I could hug him. Life didn’t work that way. To honor him and most importantly to honor the faith I have been blessed with, my light will shine. I hope that others can see it.
I have never tried to share a link in my blog before, but I hope this will lead you to the YouTube video of Owl City’s “Fireflies”. Fireflies
“You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.” ~Matthew 5:15-16
danacox31 
You are a shining light Dana from Chana. You’re love of your family shines through in every eloquent post you write. The light you shine on a very difficult subject I’m sure has led the way for more than one person. God Bless you!!