Hoping to share the love, joy, and grace I have received in my own life.

Happy Birthday, My Sweet Son!

on September 27, 2017

I wish I could hear his voice, hear him sing, hear him play his ukulele, guitar, or even pound on his drums.  I wish I could hear him say, “Love you, Momma” once more.  I wish I could witness another prank he would play on his sisters or see him be the big brother to both Megan and Amy, even though he was the middle child.  I wish I could see him duck hunt with his daddy.  I wish I could watch another documentary with him, only to hear him add his own commentary on whatever the topic, because chances are he knew something related to whatever the documentary might be about.  I wish I could see him sitting at the end of our pew at Lighthouse UMC (although some Sunday mornings, if I close my eyes just right and turn my head to the north, I swear I can see him there.)  I wish that he was asking Megan to make him a cherry pie for his birthday and that he was here tonight to help Amy with her math.  I want to hear him laugh.  I want to see him on stage again.  He was my actor, my musician, my comedian, my Einstein, my poet, my son.  He brought joy to our lives.  This isn’t any easier.  This is Trevor’s sixth birthday in heaven.  I want to celebrate his life.  I just can’t do it without this terrible sick feeling in the pit of my stomach.  I want him here.  I need him here.  His sisters and his dad need him here.  His death has left a gaping hole in our family, but his life…his life is what has made me who I am today or who I am trying to become.  How do I reconcile that?  Because of Trevor’s life and death, I found hope in a world full of pain.  I learned that Jesus wants to have this beautiful relationship with me (and with all of us.)  I want to share the grace, mercy, and love that God has brought to me through this horrible circumstance.  I don’t know if I ever would have gotten to this place in my life without Trevor’s life.  On what would be his 21st birthday, I want to say, it isn’t easier.  The pain can come on as forceful and raw and as merciless as that horrible night.  It’s excruciating at times…still.  Tonight the ocean of grief is surrounding me, but I know that once his birthday passes, we will all keep trudging through until December when it hits again.  Trevor Jeffery will always be missed, always be loved, and will never be forgotten.  If you would like to remember Trevor on this, his 21st birthday, please see the short video I put together tonight.  Remember my boy and his smile and his heart and his talent. TrevorJCox video



3 responses to “Happy Birthday, My Sweet Son!

  1. DebbyKatzman says:

    Happy birthday in heaven Trevor…. Miss you. May peace surround your memories on this day.

  2. Deb says:

    Happy Birthday Trev ❤ loved the video. Hugs to you, Jeff and the girls.

  3. lpcox60 says:

    Love it Sweetheart!

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