The “On This Day” app on Facebook has become one of my favorite features on the social media site. Most often, I can see how far I have come as a grieving momma over the past four years. This morning, however, was different. As I read my post from December 1, 2012, I realized that although I have worked hard the past four years to process the reality of Trevor’s death and try to get into whatever my new “normal” will be, the month of December does not feel any different to me today than it did in 2012. December is still the month that I rubbed my son’s head and chest as he took his last breath. December is still the month that I buried my son. I am not sure if the way that I feel in this month will ever change, but I can tell you that as I enter December for the fourth time since Trevor’s death, I feel exactly the same as I did three years ago and I feel that sharing those thoughts was the best I could do on this day…
Taken by a friend, just a few months before his death.
The month of December is upon us. I know many of you are still praying for our family, as I can feel the love and prayers that surround us every day. Trevor left his Earthly home nearly a year ago. He was such an amazing son. He and the girls make me so proud. The three of them, my amazing husband, and my faith in Jesus Christ are the reason I am the person I am today. Please forgive me, as I wade through this difficult month. If I can’t make it through a church service, don’t stop to say “hello” when I am out and about, don’t answer my phone or return a text right away, it is certainly not because I don’t care about all of you who have been so wonderful to me over the past year. I have learned that there are some days that I just need to do whatever it is I need to do on that day to get through it. When I wake up in the morning, I never know what the day will bring. I am now feeling much like that first month after Trevor died, as I am getting by minute by minute. I hope that my posts over the past year have helped someone. I have tried to be honest and post what I am going through in the hope that someone somewhere will benefit from my pain. I am so very thankful for all of the love and prayers shown to us over the past year and am humbled to ask one more time that you keep our family in your hearts as we get through this difficult month. Life isn’t always what we expect it is going to be, but with the help of caring, compassionate, and faithful people there to hold each other up, we all can get through anything. God bless!
danacox31 
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