I am unsure what made the fourth of Trevor’s birthdays (spent without him physically here) harder than the first three. The past week was difficult. The past three days…excruciating. Yet, here I am on the other side, feeling like I have another new beginning.
In my experience, grief has been that way. I move forward on the path, stumbling a little, as I try to navigate a journey I never thought I would be on. I bump into a stone wall, once in a while, that must be climbed. Maybe I could walk around it, but something about facing the task, looking my grief in the eye and climbing that stone wall turns into a victory for me. Going around this wall by staying in my house, in my bed, alone and crying…it would never get me anywhere.
Progress…I am making progress on this journey. Although I didn’t choose this journey for my life, I am continually able to choose if I take the more treacherous path, facing that wall, or if I try to get around it, or worse yet, give up. With God’s grace and mercy, I pray to continue climbing the walls as I approach them. Trevor deserves that. The love I have for my son supplies the rope, the spikes, and the courage I need to scale the walls.
I am reminded of Deuteronomy 31:6. “Be strong and of good courage; do not fear, nor be afraid of them. For I, the Lord your God, who does go with you, I will not fail you, nor forsake you.”
I took a deep breath, scaled down the backside of that wall overnight and woke up this morning, back on the path without obstacles in sight. I am back, walking the path, until the next wall.
danacox31 
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