Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.”
— Ephesians 4:32

Forgiveness is at the very heart of the Christian faith. Jesus modeled it, taught it, and ultimately demonstrated it on the cross when He prayed, “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do” (Luke 23:34).

As followers of Christ, we are called to forgive not just once, but again and again. “Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, ‘Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?’ Jesus answered, ‘I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.’” (Matthew 18:21-22)

But what happens when forgiveness is needed in the midst of ongoing hurt, like abuse, addiction, or manipulation that repeats itself over and over? What does it mean to forgive in situations like these? The Bible never calls us to remain in harm’s way to prove our forgiveness.

Forgiveness is not the same as enabling. It does not mean pretending nothing happened, denying the pain, or continuing a toxic relationship without change. (I don’t use the word “toxic” lightly, but use it to mean draining our peace, distorting our identity, and leading us away from God’s truth.)

Forgiveness means releasing the desire for revenge or repayment. It’s about surrendering our right to judge and trusting God with justice. Paul wrote, “Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: ‘It is mine to avenge; I will repay’ says the Lord.” (Romans 12:19).

But biblical forgiveness and healthy boundaries can, and often should, coexist. Proverbs 4:23 tells us to “guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” That means we have a responsibility not only to forgive, but also to protect the life God has given us.

Jesus Himself walked away from people who intended harm (John 8:48-59). Paul escaped those who sought to kill him (Acts 9:23–25). Even God sets boundaries, offering mercy, but not forcing intimacy with those who continually reject Him.

If you’re forgiving someone who is caught in addiction or abusing you emotionally, physically, or spiritually, forgiveness doesn’t mean you have to stay in the situation. You can forgive and walk away. You can love someone and say no more. It isn’t easy. It hurts. But releasing someone we love to God’s care and justice truly can be the most loving thing we can do for them and for us.