2016? Really? I feel like I just got used to writing “2015.” That year, although it passed by quickly, was a good year for me. It was a learning year, a growing year, a loving year…it was truly a good year. Although the 4th year after Trevor’s death was not any easier, in the grieving realm, than the first three, my life seemed to become easier.
This is the way extreme grief has shaped me. I am not sure I handle the grief of losing my son in the textbook way, but I found a way out of the dark despair that had covered my heart. In 2015 I started to really figure out who I want to be in this life and I am ready for the work ahead of me in 2016 to keep growing in that direction.
This world seems chocked-full of heartache, fear, anger, and hatred, but I see love, hope, joy, and peace, too. In fact, I focus on finding the latter in every situation. Mr. Rogers is such a happy memory for me. I loved the show as a child and still love the ability to stream it as an adult. The lessons Mr. Rogers presents are not only for children to learn from. When bad things happen, our immediate reaction is one of hurt, fear, anger, guilt, blame, and even hatred. Check this out (it will only take one minute of your time)…Mr. Rogers, “Look for the Helpers”
I am not naive. I know about the bad in this world. I don’t walk around with my eyes and ears closed pretending that I live in “the land of make believe”. I know pain…raw, excruciating, grief-filled pain. If I focused on that every day, I would stay in bed, shut everyone out, and wither away. My son means more to me than that. I have learned so much from Trevor’s life. For me, the grief weighs so heavy on my heart that I just fight off any other negative images, feelings, and situations around me. I can’t handle dealing with the death of my son (yes, even four years later) and all of the other madness going on in our world today. I am not naive. I know that it is there, but I choose to focus on the helpers. More importantly, I choose to be a helper.
On this first day of 2016, as I ponder the possibilities of what I could do with these 366 days (it’s a leap year) I know that I just want to live in the life I have been given in the best way I can. I want to help others, to shine a light where there is darkness, and to be a voice of hope, love, joy, and peace. Darkness cannot shut out light. If you are in the darkest night and you light a candle, there is light. If you have a candle lit and the darkest night falls on you, you still have a light. Darkness cannot shut out light.
My devotion this first morning of the new year, led me to the old hymn, Where He Leads (I Will Follow). My resolution for this year is to follow where I am led. I know that this path is not the easiest, but it is the surest. 2016 is going to be another year of changes for me. My oldest daughter will be married this summer. My youngest daughter will start her final year of high school. My husband and I will take on our 24th year together. All 366 days, I will miss my son. My arms will ache to hold him and my hurting heart will long to see him again. Until then, I will go where I am led, prayerfully hoping to shine a light for all to see.
Happy New Year, everyone! 
danacox31 
Thanks for the post. Is OK that post this on my fb page?t
Of course, Larry! Happy New Year!
Happy New Year, Dana! I really enjoyed this article. Love you.
Happy New Year, Aunt Terri! I hope to see you soon. Love you!
Truly inspirational! Love you and Happy New Year!!
Happy New Year! Love you!