Hoping to share the love, joy, and grace I have received in my own life.

Sink or Swim

on December 3, 2015

I have often used water as an analogy for my grief.  I’m not sure I have considered being in a boat as the waves begin to rise. I am in God’s boat. My faith always seems to get me through these aquatic storms.  I just need to stay in the boat.  If I jump out and try to swim on my own, the waves are sure to take me under, as I am aware that for the next few weeks they will continue to rise. Yes, the boat offers protection, but what happens when water starts coming into the boat? 

My grief is the water that my faithful boat is surrounded by. Although I feel confident that this boat is going to carry me across the ocean of what is the most difficult time that I face each year, additional challenges have added water to the boat this time around. Although I am provided with a bucket to help bail water from my boat, I wonder how much I will be able to bail. Will the water just keep filling the boat so quickly that I will not be able to keep up?

One of the most important things I have learned about my grief is that as I deal with the more difficult times (such as passing that horrible week again), it is extremely challenging to deal with any type of added stress. I feel as if the grief is the very most that I can handle. I have the tools to work through the grief, but added challenges/stress makes the journey so much more difficult. I am not sure how I will do it.

While praying this morning, I was reminded of Pastor Rob’s sermon of Jesus calming the storm (Matthew 8:23-27). Jesus slept in the back of the rocking boat, as the disciples feared for their lives. When they awoke him, Jesus said, “You of little faith, why are you so afraid?” He got up, rebuked the wind and waves and calmed the storm.

I know Jesus is in my boat. I just wonder how violent the storm will get before he rebukes the wind and waves for me. I have faith, but is my faith going to be as strong as the rising waters of grief and the roaring winds of additional stress? I am praying. I am faithful. Is it enough? I am still searching for HOPE in this first week of Advent.



One response to “Sink or Swim

  1. That is why I need that safe space, the time and place where I can ponder. As far as your second paragraph, it is important that you have someone you can have help. You cannot or should not do it alone. That someone is also important to helping you to “rebuke” the storm. Notice Jesus was talking to all of the disciples.

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