I don’t always look at my Facebook memories, but I did this morning. Friends, there are still times that my grief can stop me in my tracks. It can catch me off guard, cause me to need to find a seat, grab a Kleenex, and take a minute. That was this morning.

There was a time, nearly twenty-five years ago, when the quiet hours of the morning were anything but quiet. One by one, small feet would pitter-patter across the floor, and suddenly, our bed would be full of warm, wiggling little bodies, sleepy eyes, and tangled blankets. All three of our children knew they were welcome, no matter the hour. They’d crawl in close, wrapping their tiny arms around me like I was the safest place on earth. And maybe, in that moment, I was.

Those mornings felt chaotic and beautiful, exhausting and sacred. I didn’t know it then, but those were holy moments… not perfect, certainly not always peaceful, but precious beyond measure.

Now, time has passed. Megan and Amy, my sweet girls, are grown. Trevor is gone. It’s been almost fourteen years since he left this earth, and yet, some days, the ache is just as raw. His birthday is just two days away, and as I scrolled to this picture this morning, reminding me of those early mornings when all three of them were close enough to hold, whew… it took my breath away for just a minute.

Grief, I’ve learned (and I know I’ve said this a lot) is the echo of love, a love that refuses to fade just because time has moved on. And yet, even in the weight of sorrow, there is grace. There is gratitude because God walked with me through those sweet, noisy mornings. And God walks with me still through the quiet ones.

Now, it is my grandchildren who climb into my bed. Their laughter, their little hands reaching for mine, it reminds me that love doesn’t end. It multiplies. It carries on. Their presence is a gift, a continuation of the story God is writing in my life.

I miss the days when my bed was full of my little ones. I miss Trevor deeply every single day. But I also see how God has never stopped being with me, never stopped sustaining me. God was there in the joy, and He has been there in the loss. And God is here now, in this new season, writing beauty into my life once again.

Looking back on those first days, weeks, months, even years without Trevor, I remember how heavy everything felt — the confusion, the heartbreak, the loneliness. But even in the moments when I didn’t feel God, He was there, quietly walking with me, holding me up when I didn’t have the strength. 

Now I stand in this place of peace and joy that I never thought I’d reach. I can see how God was leading me all along. This joy… this deep, beautiful joy is something I’ve never known before. And I’m just so thankful, not just for where I am now, but for the way God never let me go on the way here.

And I’m thankful God gives me the ability to feel the love for Trevor in my heart so deeply that even in this place and time I can reach back and feel the loss so intensely that I need to sit and grab a Kleenex (or five) and feel the loss and the love for my son who will always be a missing piece of my heart. I’m praising God this morning for His great faithfulness. ❤️