I caught up with a couple of my dearest friends yesterday. (We missed one who is ill and are praying she’s much better today. ❤️) We’re the kind of friends that keep in touch daily (in a group message) with Scripture, music, prayers, and life updates. We meet up as often as we can in person. I’ve mentioned them before. (We refer to ourselves as “Fruits of the Spirit”. Jeff lovingly calls us “Fruit Loops”.)

Anyway, one of our discussions yesterday was how we deal with complicated people in our lives and the thoughts and prayers on that subject were still with me this morning when I came to Roman’s 12:18 and decided this could help others, too.

Everyone has at least one “complicated” person in their life. It might be a family member, a co-worker, a neighbor, or even someone at church. These are the people who challenge our patience, press our buttons, and test our ability to respond with grace. As followers of Jesus, we’re not called to avoid these people. We’re called to love them.

Jesus knew what it was like to walk among complicated people. The disciples He chose were full of flaws and tensions. Peter was impulsive. Thomas doubted. Judas betrayed. Yet Jesus consistently responded with patience, truth, and compassion. He didn’t pretend conflict didn’t exist, but He never allowed bitterness to take root in His heart.

Loving difficult people doesn’t mean excusing harmful behavior or becoming a doormat. It means choosing the way of love over retaliation, humility over pride, and prayer over control. Paul’s words in Romans 12 remind us: “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you…” — we’re not responsible for others’ behavior, but we are responsible for our own.

So…how can we go about loving complicated people?

1. Pray before reacting. Ask the Holy Spirit for wisdom and self-control when dealing with tension.
2. Set healthy boundaries. (Sorry, Fruits, I know we also talked about the overuse of this word yesterday, but it’s applicable here.) 😉 Love includes truth, and sometimes truth requires distance or limits.
3. Assume the best. Sometimes people’s behavior stems from deep pain or insecurity. Look deeper.
4. Forgive regularly. Not for their sake, but to keep your heart clean and free from bitterness.
5. Stay rooted in grace. Remember how much patience and grace God extends to you every day.

So…I ask today, is there a “complicated” person in your life that God may be calling you to love differently? Are we seeking to win arguments or to win hearts? And how can we reflect the love of Jesus even in the most challenging relationships?